WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY JOKE?

Here’s something you don’t know about me yet. I was fifteen years old when I began writing my first jokes, fifteen. Think about that for a minute. That’s old in cat years if they only live for what…10-12 years? They have nine lives, supposedly…I don’t know how long they live, I don’t really care. They are still younger than me. I know a lot of you like to talk to your pets as well. Some of you go a little farther and kiss them. And it’s not just on the head, it’s on the mouth. Don’t try and deny it, I see you. You’re not getting away with anything. I know your desperate, but kissing a pet on the mouth? That’s just…EW, no don’t do that. Did you ever wonder what your pets think about you? I must be like an antique to my cat. I’m sure when I walk by her… I know all of you do this, but when I walk by my cat, she’s not just meowing, right? I believe she’s talking to me in some other type of language that I will never learn. It’s probably a mixture of Italian and gibberish. You know, like baby talk; “Goo-goo gaga… (Giggles)” So she’s not only meowing, ok guys? She’s asking me a very rude question. I know this because I went to a psychiatrist, and asked her what my cat was saying. She told me, that my cat was wondering if I came with or without dust. Yeah, I know, right? I adopted her from a shelter, and this is how she thanks me. I’m like; “Thanks, Speck. I really wanted to be reminded of how old I’m getting.” As a child, I wanted to grow up so fast. I wanted to drive, get a cell… I still don’t have a cell phone, but I wanted to do everything that grownups did. I think a lot of us did as kids. I know you remember sitting in your yard, wishing that time would go by faster. I wanted to be an adult so bad. Then something happened to me. Something happened to you. You know what happened? We got older. And you got to do other things like adults did. But they were never as fun or as cool as you expected. Remember that?