Woman who cares for my grownup son calls him and his friend chldren?

I have a woman who cares for my autistic son, who is 29, and although functioning less than average for his age, is still an adult and should be treated with dignity and not referred to as a child. She has a son who is 26 and she always tells her son not to interrupt in "grownup conversations" and tries to constantly tell him what to do. My son goes over there on weekends and she caters to and babies my son and treats him as if he is 9 and says go put your jammies on, etc. I told her I do not think we (meaning her and I) are good for our sons when we don't treat them as adults, and she said they are chldren in the mild. True to a point, but they will never reach their true potential, being treated as this. Should I keep my son from being around her as much? Today, I went to pick him up and she said "Michael has icky stuff on his shirt and it needs to be wiped off immediately." I said he can do it himself. She said don't be harsh and it needs to be wiped off and she grabbed a shirt and wiped it off. I think she should have said Michael you have something on your shirt and let him choose to wipe it off. Her son also watches porn and smokes and she goes crazy when she finds stuff like that out. I think they are adults and should be given the right to watch porno and smoke if that is their choice, even though I don't think either is good for their health. I just think they should be treated as if they were adults and not treated like they are five. What do you think?